Lou Piniella Stole My Wallet

Because Piniella just looks too damn sexy in pinstripes and needs the hooker money.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Please Sir, I Want Some More Oliver


When playing word association, and the topic of "Famous Game Seven Heroes For $500, Alex" comes up, lots of names come to mind. Bill Mazeroski. Aaron Boone. Luis Gonzalez. Oliver Perez.

Wait, what? Oliver Perez? The guy who started the season being Jim Tracy's private bathhouse whipping boy? The Oliver Perez who finished the season with a stellar 3-13 record and a 6.55 earned run average? Is there absolutely nobody better that the Mets can flush out of Flushing?
(Traschel... Pedro... El Duque... Glavine... Darren Oliver... Jerry Koosman)

Okay, so Oliver Perez it is. I feel sorry for the guy. By no means are the St. Louis Cardinals a club that deserves to advance to the World Series, but Perez is going to be lit up like a Charlie Brown christmas tree. He'll receive letterbombs, and in every team yearbook his picture will have thick eyebrows and devil horns drawn on for amusing effect. Oliver Perez should know... he was teammates with Salomon Torres.

I'm calling this game a win for the Cardinals, 7-5. Oli-P will surrender enough runs to be spit upon by Roger McDowell, the Mets will rally behind to make it a close game for the television audiences off watching Emmitt Smith get worked up so sexual, and the Cardinals will face the Detroit Tigers in a re-match of the 1968 World Series.

I vow to write an in-depth column about said match-up, comparing it with the original 1968 teams should the Cardinals win. If the Mets win? Enjoy the Detroit weather, Shawn Green.

1 Comments:

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